Since mothers are a significant part of our first contact with the world, it's understandable that you feel deeply connected to this half of your parental unit. Regarding your relationship with your mother, commitments can rotatelovingthem and behave respectfully.
Mothers, on the other hand, have more complex and demanding roles. Parents have to take care of their children in many ways and protect them from danger.
However, a mother's most important job is to show love to her child, which is why it can be incredibly painful to feel like your mother might not be caring for you in that way.
Being suspicious of or questioning your mother's love is a pain that can be difficult to deal with. If you've ever wondered how your mother feels about you, several painful interactions could have led to that assumption.
In this article, we're going to break down some of the scenarios that can lead you as an adult to questioning your mother's love, possible reasons for these feelings, as well as the different ways to deal with themfeel unloved.
Reasons You Might Think Your Mom Hates You
According to psychotherapist Valentina Dragomir, “There can be many reasons why a child thinks their mother hates them. Perhaps the child feels neglected or unsupported and has interpreted this as hatred. and has mistakenly assumed that this anger is directed at her. It could also be that the child is simply going through a period of rebellion, naturally assuming their parents must be against them.”
It is not always possible to sail 100% smoothly in our relationships. This applies to romantic and platonic relationships, our dealings with siblings, and especially our parents.
The following reasons may make you doubt your mother's love for you.
Your mother always criticizes you
criticismis not always bad. On the one hand, listening to others who give honest feedback on our work ethic,communication skills, or relating to others can sometimes contribute to our growth. However, it can feel incredibly hurtful to be on the receiving end of harsh criticism, especially when the person giving it happens to be your mother.
When your mother often criticizes various aspects of your behavior, it can be difficult to swallow. But while it's hard to take, she may only have your best interest at heart. Her harsh criticism may be the result of her struggle to carefully disseminate her concerns.
Valentina adds: “There can be many reasons for a strained relationship between mother and child. Perhaps the child is going through a rebellious phase and the mother is struggling to deal with her behavior. It could be that the mother works long hours and feels too tired to engage with her child. Or, when the mother is struggling with her own personal issues, it makes it difficult for her to be there emotionally for her child.”
However, if she can find a problem with or in some casesdenigrate everything about youFrom small matters like your choice of clothes or the amount of perfume you use, to more serious areas like choosing your career or a life partner, your mother may not always have your best interests or best intentions in mind.
Your mother refuses to spend time with you
As we all know and have personal navigating experience, there hardly seems to be enough time in the day to balance work, physical activity, and our relationships with others.
If it's difficult to remember the last time you had quality time with your mom, it could hurt. However, the large gap does not always indicate negative feelings that your mother has towards you. Your mother might just be overwhelmed and having a hard time sorting out life and personal time with her children.
But if your mom is usually reluctant to commit to meeting plans, cancels those plans with feeble and sometimes overly verbose reasons, or is always impatient to leave when you meet, it's understandable that you might be prompting her to to question feelings for you.
Your mother is mean to you
Many people describe their mothers as warm, caring, and kind. However, if you tend to think of your mother as cold, abusive, or just downright cruel, it could be a worrying sign that your mother harbors negative feelings toward you.
Your reasons for feeling this way can come from anything. Perhaps your mother expresses her affection for her siblings in the gifts she gives to them or in the way she communicates with them. Or maybe your mother hits you for no reason orignores you and your feelings.
You feel a sense of fear when you are around her
In most cases, mothers provide a place of refuge for their children. But unfortunately this is not always the case as some mothers can be the cause of their children's worries, difficulties and fears.
Some mothers may not be sure how to give their children confidence and gentle love. If this is the case with your mother, it's easy to dismiss her behavior as hateful. That may not always be their intention.
However, if you are frequently mistreated by your mother in the form of unkind words, repeatedly dismissed feelings,bad communication, or other cruel treatment, it may affect your relationship with her. In such cases, it is not uncommon to feel fear while being unable to express your dissatisfaction in front of your mother.
Why do mothers hate their children?
Ideally, adult children are close to their mothers, with the mothers involved in their offspring's lives in a healthy way.
However, not all mothers fit this pattern, some showing or holding obvious contempt for their children. This can have different causes. For example, some mothers may suffer from mental health problems that result in hostile expression towards their children.
In other cases, mothers may be distant and cold towards their children because of their own emotional issues such as parental burnout.Valentina Dragomir adds: “The mother's perspective can be very different from that of the child. The mother may not be aware that her child feels this way and is in fact deeply hurt by the thought that her child might think she hates her. The mother may struggle with her own problems and unintentionally take them out on her child, which leads the child to believe that she hates them. In any case, it is likely that the mother does not actually hate her child but rather is struggling to deal with her own problems and may not provide the support that the child does needs."
Prioritize your needs
Whatever reason you suspect is behind your mother's behavior, it's important to break free of blame or beliefs that you're not worth loving. Instead, put your own wellbeing first. However, it can be helpful to examine possible reasons for your mother's behavior.
What to do when your mom seems to hate you
Feeling that your mother is hostile towards you can negatively impact your well-being. Experiencing this pain can contribute to serious medical conditions such as depressionand fear.
Below are some ways to deal with this experience.
One of the most trusted ways to deal with the psychological distress of the experience of an unwelcome parent isthrough therapy.
By speaking with a qualified professional, you can unlock the complexities of your relationship with your mother and how each abuse made you feel. It will also help deal with irrationalityDebtYou may feel uncomfortable about interactions with your mother.
Additionally, therapy can help you find healthy ways to deal with your mother in the present.
Have a serious conversation with your mother
If you're the constant recipient of unkind words or cold treatment from your mother, it can seem like a pointless endeavor to talk to her about it.
However, there is electricity sometimescommunicateyour pain Telling your mom in no uncertain terms how her behavior has affected you and your relationship with her could be a wake-up call and open up a different kind of dialogue between the two of you.
Distance yourself from your mother
However, there are cases where talking to your mother and sharing your pain doesn't get you anywhere or makes things worse. In such cases, especially in cases where she continues to be emotionally abusive to you, it can be important to take the necessary steps to maintain an emotionally safe distance from one another.
Keeping your distance can help protect your well-being. Removal can take the form of moving out of your mother's house if you still live there.
Distance could also mean limiting voice and personal contact.
Get the appropriate support
Dealing with the ordeal of a less than kind mother can be exhausting for even the strongest of people. For this reason, reaching out to friends and family members for emotional and other forms of support during this time can be an important step in protecting and promoting your well-being.
What is family therapy?
A word from Verywell
Not everyone is going to like you, but there are certain people in our lives who are largely exempt from this rule. Mothers, in particular, are usually among the close circle of loved ones we expect to appreciate in our interactions. In reality this is not always the case.
When you have experienced persistent, mistreatment from your mother, the pain can sometimes overshadow everything in your life. However, it is important to remember that you deserve to be treated well.
Talking to your mom about the effects of her treatment, taking some distance, seeking therapy, and getting the right support from friends and family can help manage your emotional pain.
Ask a Therapist: How Do I Set Boundaries for My Mom?